Ending the Grief Cycle


Apologies for the long absence, but after this entry it will be made clear why there was no update for quite some time. As the title of this entry states, this is about the “ending the grief cycle,” referring to that of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who (as per Wikipedia) “posited sequential stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, which are commonly referred to as the ‘grief cycle.’” What I learned on a fateful day in January took me this long to go through all the stages and return me to the desire for sharing my story publically again.



Flashing back to January, I headed to see the neurologist to find out results of an MRI and an EEG, for I feared that something was wrong with me because of trouble with cognition and increased “brain fog,” even more than usually seen in fibromyalgia. All came out fine, though for safety, the doctor ordered more tests, such as a 24 hour EEG and a sleep study to make sure I did not have sleep apnea interfering with my health and recovery during the night.



The painful part came was when the neurologist noticed how anxious I was while sitting in her office, and recommended that I see her new colleague, a neuropsychiatrist. This suggestions totally freaked me out because of past experience with mental health professionals, but because this lady was intimidating in a good way, I decided to follow her advice and made an appointment, conveniently available for the next day.



I will explain my past history with mental health later and the traumas of the past few months, but suffice it to say that I trusted this man the moment I laid eyes on him. Within minutes of talking with me he verified the fears that I had the night before, by saying that he agreed with doctors who knew me twenty years ago, and told me the sad news that I was manic-depressive with a border-line personality. However, this time I was given the strength to deal with the diagnosis, and started the medication plan he outlined. I also added a wonderful therapist, whom I share with my ten-year old son (another story), and a Depression Recovery Group that is helping me grow and change and accept my body’s chemistry and change for the better.



This is all for now, for computer issues are causing problems and I am stuck writing on a laptop, hurting my fibromyalgia and my arthritis and neuropathy, but at least I broke the fear and came out with my diagnosis finally. I will return again, with the story from my past, the present, and the story of my future. Have a great day, and thank you for reading!